Beads for Development

When my girlfriend Halie went to Burkina Faso last year, I thought she would have an amazing time. I wasn't expecting her to co-found a women's beadmaking collective in a small village to empower the women and make the village more sustainable. But that's exactly what she did.

I'm so blown away.

Check out the amazing jewelry and support the women of Saint Jean, Burkina Faso at

Beads For Development Store

Haiti

Allison DePasquale, a friend of mine from UCLA, is in Haiti right now. The following is a conversation that she had with Meredith Pierce, a mutual friend. Meredith deleted her own dialogue, leaving just Allison's words about what was around her, and I found it very resonant and wanted to share it. If you feel the same, please donate to help in the relief efforts.

http://www.facebook.com/notes/university-of-fondwa/earthquake-relief-for-fondwa/283604090756

[1/21/10 2:39:27 PM] Allison DePasquale: its starting to feel like reality, the first week was a dream

[1/21/10 2:40:54 PM] Allison DePasquale: i kept thinking i just had to get through that one day, and then i would wake up and port au prince would be back

[1/21/10 2:41:11 PM] Allison DePasquale: but now its hit that this is the next several years + that this world is like this

[1/21/10 2:42:49 PM] Allison DePasquale: it was one minute, and everyone's life is changed

[1/21/10 2:42:53 PM] Allison DePasquale: i cant comprehend it

[1/21/10 2:43:58 PM] Allison DePasquale: haitians are very religious

[1/21/10 2:44:16 PM] Allison DePasquale: and every shock we have, the whole city would scream "jesus, please jesus" in creole

[1/21/10 2:44:30 PM] Allison DePasquale: and i swear, it felt like it was god shaking the earth, and i dont even believe that

[1/21/10 2:44:51 PM] Allison DePasquale: we were helpless little humans

[1/21/10 2:45:42 PM] Allison DePasquale: yea, before this, i wanted to take away their religion

[1/21/10 2:45:47 PM] Allison DePasquale: because it seems like it hinders their liberation

[1/21/10 2:46:07 PM] Allison DePasquale: and makes them accept their suffering by rationalizing that the next life will be better

[1/21/10 2:46:21 PM] Allison DePasquale: i still think that, but emotional, and personally i would never take away their religion ever

[1/21/10 2:47:03 PM] Allison DePasquale: i dont know what they would do if they didnt have it

[1/21/10 2:59:06 PM] Allison DePasquale: sometimes its hard being here because i feel sort of useless without some skillks

[1/21/10 2:59:38 PM] Allison DePasquale: but my objective at this point in my life is #1 learn what life is like here, on the ground, with the people and #2 learn creole

[1/21/10 2:59:50 PM] Allison DePasquale: i need to sit here and be patient awhile to do those two things

[1/21/10 3:01:52 PM] Allison DePasquale: it has been so helpful to have your support

[1/21/10 3:02:00 PM] Allison DePasquale: and to see everyone caring so much about whats going on here

[1/21/10 3:02:31 PM] Allison DePasquale: on wednesday morning, around noon, i started crying out of anger because people were dying, just dying, bleeding, and screaming, and i expected something, someone to come save them

[1/21/10 3:02:36 PM] Allison DePasquale: an ambulance, a plane, something

[1/21/10 3:02:38 PM] Allison DePasquale: but the sky was silent

[1/21/10 3:02:49 PM] Allison DePasquale: and no one came

[1/21/10 3:02:55 PM] Allison DePasquale: i was so angry

[1/21/10 3:03:11 PM] Allison DePasquale: i am still angry, but to see so many people care makes such a huge difference

[1/21/10 3:03:47 PM] Allison DePasquale: yea i know, i know that no one coming on wednesday wasnt a lack of caring

[1/21/10 3:04:40 PM] Allison DePasquale: well its really a lot of the fault of the haitian govt

[1/21/10 3:04:47 PM] Allison DePasquale: they didnt make a statement for days

[1/21/10 3:05:02 PM] Allison DePasquale: except the pres who said in an interview that he lost his house and he didnt know where he would sleep

[1/21/10 3:06:19 PM] Allison DePasquale: yea, but at the same time, all the govt buildings were destroyed and around 30% of govt officials were missing

[1/21/10 3:06:29 PM] Allison DePasquale: not that im justifying it, but thats just how wiped out this city is

[1/21/10 3:08:11 PM] Allison DePasquale: i was inside, luckily the building didnt collapse

[1/21/10 3:08:17 PM] Allison DePasquale: because i didnt run

[1/21/10 3:08:25 PM] Allison DePasquale: it was just me, and i didnt realize how bad the earthquake was

[1/21/10 3:08:40 PM] Allison DePasquale: until i ran outside, and the 5 story school building that i usually see wasnt there anymore

[1/21/10 3:10:10 PM] Allison DePasquale: i ran out into the street, and was shaking, there were some men trying to pull them out

[1/21/10 3:10:14 PM] Allison DePasquale: and i ran to help

[1/21/10 3:10:23 PM] Allison DePasquale: but i swear i lost all my creole

[1/21/10 3:10:33 PM] Allison DePasquale: and i couldnt speak coherently

[1/21/10 3:11:12 PM] Allison DePasquale: so i just ran and got a shovel for them to use

[1/21/10 3:13:07 PM] Allison DePasquale: okay, well thanks, im really okay though

[1/21/10 3:13:26 PM] Allison DePasquale: i just run though what happened often just to make everything seem real

[1/21/10 3:15:40 PM] Allison DePasquale: yea, because like i said, at first it seemed like a dream

[1/21/10 3:18:48 PM] Allison DePasquale: [my mom] sends me emails …every day

[1/21/10 3:18:59 PM] Allison DePasquale: i feel so bad, because i know it must be so hard

[1/21/10 3:19:03 PM] Allison DePasquale: but i just cant leave

[1/21/10 3:22:03 PM] Allison DePasquale: yea, i cant leave them now

[1/21/10 3:42:13 PM] Allison DePasquale: i wish you could see where i am right now

[1/21/10 3:42:15 PM] Allison DePasquale: im in the middle of paup

[1/21/10 3:42:22 PM] Allison DePasquale: with like 20 people

[1/21/10 3:42:24 PM] Allison DePasquale: sitting outside

[1/21/10 3:42:27 PM] Allison DePasquale: in this new house they just made

[1/21/10 3:42:32 PM] Allison DePasquale: with electricity and internet

[1/21/10 3:43:04 PM] Allison DePasquale: and everyone is singing to this song that goes 'we are the ones, we are the children, we are the ones that make the world a better place, so lets start giving

[1/21/10 3:43:16 PM] Allison DePasquale: no, this is out in a now junkyard

[1/21/10 3:45:38 PM] Allison DePasquale: and making a sign that says "we need help" at the same time

[1/21/10 3:47:07 PM] Allison DePasquale: its just a neighborhood, they all lost their houses, so they are putting their things together to make a new little living place

We can only handle so much

Look at our language.
Awesome is good.
Awful is bad.
Some awe is great.
But being full of awe is terrible.

my dad says it's ridiculous to try and understand
the whole big world
with these little brains that fit inside our relatively tiny heads.

it doesn't take too much awe to be too much, does it?

Fishing in Montana

I was in Montana for the holidays, where I learned how to fish.

On the second to last day, standing in the snow on the banks of the river with half numb fingers, I caught the first fish of my life.

The experience filled me with so much awe and respect.

It was the polar opposite of trivial.

Taking one life and making it into sustenance for mine. The death of the fish was very real. But it was also an experience that overflowed with life.

Don't Go

Boot camp? I thought you were joking.

You’re not. I listened too your explanation,

“It’s good discipline and I don’t have to join afterwards,” you said.

OCS Training, I never thought

I would be roommates with a marine.

I don’t get this.

I know how good a person you are,

Mind and heart, what part of you wants to sacrifice yourself for this?

You are no bully.

And now I am scared.

Scared to see you run off and join.

Embarrassed that I can’t stop you.

I closed my eyes that night and I saw you. Us. I imagined us as soldiers.

On the move, outside Tikrit sitting there in the aftermath of a car bomb,

The morning breaking into sweltering heat that we will not see the end of.

This is an open wound in a closing tomb

We will not get better.

We will not go home.

This is where our bodies have ruined

And our minds following soon

This is our last

Our time come to past.

Tense breaths give way only to no breath

This is an open wound in a closing tomb.

Desert sand blows over the body

Wiping clean the surface

U.S, army issued fatigue(s) already hidden disappear(s) completely

This is my nightmare matt. That you are at war lying on your back lost,

the human cost.

Earth shatters, what matters dematerialized

Mothers hold stitched material flags

Raise banners for lost sons

Burned up in dark deserts

This is my nightmare of dads in Baghdad body bags.

Our need to believe our political leaders is weakness of mass destruction

Led into biblical deserts but we will not walk out after forty years

We will not be stronger for it

We will just get the realization in hot desert sun that

This is where it ends.

I remember when we invaded Iraq.

I went to see Chicago that night with my parents.

Thinking about the war…and all that Jazz.

Conflict seemed distant and unreal

Like it could be playing in the next theater.

That was I how I wanted it.

Now It’s in my apartment.

Matt, I don’t want this.

Matt, you don’t want this.

You are too good a person to shift gears in killing machines…

Until you break, this game kills you or leaves you PTSD broken.

If you lose, someone dies.

I you win, someone dies.

I know you don’t want this.

I know your gentle soft nature.

Your selflessness, loyalty, your bravery,

You are the most honorable person I know.

And I know that’s what they want from you.

I know you’re intelligence, Matt how can you not see where they would take you?

How can you want to take part?

Take apart your own body and mind,

“I’ll be fine” you say

but what about the day you realize,

That you won’t make it this time.

And I’ll choke on my words burning my throat

because I would never dare say I told you so.

Shabbat Shalom! And throw ya hands up!

graphic design by Halie Kampman

Alexander and the Shit Ass, Nipple Twisting, Ball Busting Fuck Awful Day

(Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...20 years later)

I went to sleep drunk with a girl from the bar and now my hands are bound with furry hand cuffs and I have two girls, three guys, and a donkey in my bed, and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped over a pyramid of empty Budweiser cans and by mistake dropped my sweater in the sink that someone had stopped up and filled with jungle juice and I could tell that it was going to be a shit ass, nipple twisting, ball busting, fuck awful day.

At breakfast Anthony found a piece of paper with a girl’s phone number on it and Nick found a 100$ bill someone had rolled up to snort cocaine but all I found was a used condom on my seat and a bill from the escort service.

I think I’ll move to Australia.

Heading to the car, I noticed three new parking tickets, and in the car Anthony let Nick have a seat by the window, our friends James and Kevin got seats by the window too. I said I had a pounding headache. I said I was hungover and needed the radio turned down. I said, if I don’t get a seat by the window I am going to throw up all over the backseat of my own car. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a shit ass, nipple twisting, ball busting, fuck awful day.

At work my boss said he hated the project plan and that I had to start over from scratch.

There were two cup cakes in Philip Parker’s lunch bag and Albert had a Hershey bar with almonds. Guess who forgot dessert, and lunch? I was so hungry I had to eat the dog treats that I had forgotten to bring home the day before.

In the lunch meeting my boss said I was talking too much. On the afternoon conference call he said my ideas were unfeasible. At the end of the day he called me into his office and told me they were downsizing and could I pack up my things and be gone by 5 p.m.

I could tell it was going to be a shit ass, nipple twisting, ball busting fuck awful day

I could tell because Anthony called me and told me that I needed to pay the gas bill or it would get shut off and he would move out and Nick called to tell me that the escort service called and that I had to pay the bill or he’d move out too.

“I hope you sit on a herpes-infested tack” I said to Nick. "I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice cream cone the ice cream part falls off and some punches you in the eye, ties you up naked in a busy intersection and pees in your hair and the ice cream part lands in Australia."

I went to the dentist who told me I had five cavities, needed two root canals, and what were my thoughts about adult braces?

I went to the Hotsy Totsy bar and took 10 shots of Jack Daniels. The bartender said that it would be100$. I told him I couldn’t pay it. The bouncer told my face with his fist that I should have a black eye and threw me out into the street.

While I was waiting on the curb for the bus some asshole on a bike side swiped me and knocked into a mud puddle. I started crying because of the mud and the bum on the sidewalk said I was a crybaby and

While I was punching the bum for calling me a crybaby the Police showed up with their sirens on and made me sit down on the curb with my hands handcuffed behind my back. The handcuffs weren’t even furry.

I said I was having a shit ass, nipple twisting, ball busting, fuck awful day. The police officer told me to shut the fuck up.

So then the police offer threw me in the backseat and took me to the station where they fingerprinted me, took my statement, and gave me my phone call. I called Anthony who picked up and immediately told me he was "busy buying white sneakers with blue stripes and had to go" before he hung up.

The police threw me in the cell with a large tattooed guy named Damon who won’t stop staring at me.

I put my head down on the cold metal at lights out and pretended to sleep.

It has been a shit ass, nipple twisting, ball busting, fuck awful day.

Damon says some days are like that, even in Australia.